Arise in Bangkok. Questions and Self-discovery.

16508559_1337897772950910_3330569016330278827_nLife is massive collision of question marks. All the while, we are waiting for a clear answered  sentences with a full stop.  There are wonders, what if’s and why’s. I can sincerely say that my life is an atomic bond of questions. It is unending like an oil spill in the ocean. Stays there. Stuck there. Until a certain hair saves and cleans up the stagnant oil along the shore. There’s tons of question yet there’s only a few hair. Until the questions formed like a mountain and valley. Hmmmm. Although I have a different dishes of question here in my mind right now, I’ll only speak one. The most prominent question in my mind for the past few days.
My question goes this way.
How’s Bangkok?
How’s Bangkok? Can I divert the question? How am I here in Bangkok?
It’s been a while since I decided to lengthen my rope away from my family. Building a new and independent life is not as easy as eating marshmallows. It is genuinely filled with hope, dreams, adventures, laugh, tears and excitement. The unending process of knowing myself  and knowing how will I be in the middle of people I barely know nothing. It is like I was put in the mass of people that at any given time a stampede might ignite.
I was here in the capital city of Thailand (Bangkok) for almost one year now. The struggle of being independent is real. There will be a time where your the only one  holding your  own arms at night and tries not to be visible to anyone in the house so that they won’t be bothered about the tears shedding your eyes. There are times of laugh and joy with friends. Experimenting emotions and learning my own water loo are the two significant altitudes I’ve reached so far. Through times I’ve been learning and skipping the things that makes me feel sad and disappointed.  Here, I learned how to stand on my own without my biological siblings at my back. I believe it was pre-destined by God to place me here and experience all these things in life. The feeling of being emotionally broken and lost in the middle of nowhere where language barrier is present. Luckily, I’ve been in a place where there are people use as instrument to let me feel each emotions revealed in every strikes of my development as a human with more mature and holistically developed personality. I still remember the time I always weep and cry because of people. Now, I have learned that we cannot hold people’s criticism and  the way they look upon us. It’s their free will whether to plant a bad blood on you or a build a friendly environment.
Sometimes I look back on how I live my life before. Stuck in the idea that I should please all the people and gain their trust and unknowingly forgetting my own special identity. Now, I am striving not for my perfection but by learning and excitedly uncovering the maps where my feet shall be set off. I am excited about the people I will meet and what’s their dialogue in my story.
Truly, being away from your comfort zone is a training ground in this unstable world we have. Sometimes there’s rejoicing, joyful moments and happy thoughts yet we can never expel the other side of the coin. There’s still trial and struggle along the way. We are being tested in every aspect of our lives. Just hold on. Until we can say…there’s still victory!

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